Hate Mail.

All year I have been talking to one of my students about different ways to deal with her anger so she doesn't become dependent on me to help her get over her tantrums.  One of those methonds is writing down how she feels. One time, a few months ago, J went home on red--which is not good.  As she was stomping out the door she hands me a note.  The note says, I hate Ms. Hethcok.  Ms. Heathcock I do not like.  Love, I do not, Ms. Heathcock.  I looked at her very calmly and said, "Thats fine.  I still love you and I know we'll have a better day tomorrow."  She looked at me in shock that I did not return her anger and walked out of the classroom.

A few weeks later J went home on red again.  This time she wrote, I hate Ms. Heathcock and I do not want you to love me.  I looked at her again and said, "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I still love you."  She walked to the bus, stunned.

Today J had a really bad day.  She was sent to the office for fighting and since she knows that you must go home on red if you go to the office the rest of the day was kind of shot.  She threw a slight tantrum as I was coloring her folder, but I just walked away.  She brought me a note as she left the room that said, I love you but I am sad Ms. Heathcock.

Victory.

The Important Book

Today we read The Important Book by Margaret Wise Brown (author of Goodnight Moon) and are doing our own version.  In case you are unfamiliar with this book, it goes through different things and tells "the important thing" about that object and then lists other characteristics.  For example, one page says, "The important thing about rain is that it is wet.  It falls out of the sky, and it sounds like rain, and makes things shiny, and it does not taste like anything, and is the color of air.  But the important thing about rain is that it is wet."

As a class, we are making our own version.  I let the kids come up with one for our class as a whole, and also one for me.  Now I'm in the process of meeting with each student one on one to come up with their own important page about themself.  This is priceless.

Here's what they came up with for me:

The important thing about Ms. Heathcock is that she went to college. She helps our brains grow and does the morning message. She knows how to read and loves to teach. She helps us when we don’t know how to do something. But the important thing about Ms. Heathcock is that she went to college.

Here are the others I have so far (names taken out):

The important thing about J***** is that he is smart. He is a fast runner. His family is smart just like him, and when he has trouble with his homework, his brother helps him. He loves to go outside and play football with his dad and his brother. When he gets tired, he goes in for water and then right back outside. His favorite color is green. But the important thing about J***** is that he is smart.

The important thing about J****** is that she cleans her room. She cleans up her dog’s poop. She eats her vegetables. She helps her brother with his homework. She counts with her fingers to add. She takes a shower with her baby brother and helps with her little sister. She likes to play with her costumes and dress up as catgirl. But the important thing about J****** is that she cleans her room.

The important thing about E*** is that he is smart. He loves to play on his PSP. He loves his family. He enjoys his reading group at school, and playing at recess. He has six favorite colors: red, black, yellow, green, blue and orange. He plays soccer and football at the A***** Y**** Center. He likes to dance when no one is looking. But the important thing about E*** is that he is smart.

Oh Kindergartners, you fascinate me.

"Great things are worth great risks."

So, here I sit in my classroom, and it is the third week of school. That statement is bizarre for two reasons:

1. Time. Last year I had a 30 minute break for lunch and 20 minutes when a spanish teacher came into my room to do some math in Spanish with the kids. This year, my kids go to another room for Spanish for a whole hour every day! I get 45 minutes of ancillary time, 30 minutes for lunch. My kids have P.E. for 30 minutes 2x a week and go to a Literacy Lab for one hour once a week. These things make life significantly better. Planning during the day? What? Cleaning my classroom before 6pm? Who knew! PREPARING FOR LESSONS?! What a concept! : )

2. Technology. Last year, my computer never worked. I wasn't able to print at my school or access e-mail. Thisssssss year, my computer is fixed, I have internet access, and I am able to print. YEAAAAAAA

Needless to say, this year is off to a great start. Kindergartners are much less sassy than first graders, and I only have 2 students I would classify as behavior challenges as opposed to the 9 from last year. I am quite optomistic. They are still challenging, and I still lose my patience way too often (I'm working on that) but I think I might actually start to enjoy this teaching thing... maybe.

new home : )

This is a home that was built in the 1920's and updated to make 6 apartments in the 1990's. My two roommates and I have the top middle floor (our kitchen, den, living room and one bedroom and bathroom) and the former attic that was converted to our top floor(two bedrooms, one bath, and office). It has so much space! These are just a few of the pictures. Enjoy!

brief comments on community.

Being an adult is hard. Like, really hard. I’ve officially been an adult for a year now and I think its going to take much longer to adjust than I thought. One particular adjustment that I am having a particularly difficult time with is community.

For the first 22 years of my life, I had a built in support system. Not only did it not require me to find it, but it was high quality.

First I had my family, my wonderful, irreplaceable family. I had a kind of family that verbally and physically reinforced my value as a person at every moment of the day. I remember my parents sitting down to talk with me for the sole purpose of explaining how much they loved me and how special I was. I wasn’t even able to leave a room without a hug, an affectionate squeeze of my hand, or an “I love you.” I was loved, dammit, and I knew it.

Then I went to college. Again, there were several built in communities I quickly became a part of. My freshman hall, my sorority, and an independent group of friends that morphed and adjusted over the years. I was always surrounded by no less than ten people who wanted to hear about my day, learn more about who I was as a person, and help me grow. If I was hurting, I could just look down the hall for comfort. If I had something to celebrate, there were tons of people more excited than I was. If I was confused or lonely, there were countless shoulders to cry on or arms to hug.

And now, I’ve moved 10-12 hours away from all of that. Yes, I have friends (well, I have a friend). And I have students who love me unconditionally and supply me with an infinite supply of hugs. But.....

I crave a companionship that I don’t have. I crave being known for exactly who I am and being loved for it. By loved I don't necessarily mean romantically, I just mean genuinely. I mean unconditionally. And I want to know it. I’m used to hearing in words how much I am loved and appreciated. I’m used to people asking questions about me and being genuinely interested in the answer. I’m used to being sought after for advice.

I’m not used to this adult world. It’s selfish and harsh. It’s often deceitful. It’s lonely.

I am currently trying to realize the difference between my wants and needs, both in the short and long term. It is a lot harder than I thought.